Out of Sync
by Nukumi
Summary: He knows he has no chance with her, but Now and Later are worlds apart, and Never doesn't cross his mind.


**Out of Sync**

To Mikoto, Kakashi was just a kid.

An incredibly gifted pupil of the fourth Hokage, but a kid nonetheless. He wasn't much older than her son, really. Fourteen wasn't too big of a leap from five (_Just nine years; nine _minutes_ in hindsight_) but then it wasn't all that far from twenty six either (_In her generation boys became men at twelve, when they put on hitai-ate and picked up kunai and fought for their country. They didn't change much after that; killers are killers whether they're twelve or twenty_) She remembered being fourteen, remembered being quiet, _quick_, and high on adrenaline. She remembered picking out matching chain-link bracelets with her first love. She remembered burying him the next week.

Even aside from his shinobi prowess, Kakashi stood out from his peers: he was exceptionally perceptive, wise beyond his years, and refreshingly compassionate. Mikoto didn't know what the future held for the silver-haired genius, but if he survived his time in AnBu she was sure he had the potential to be legendary - for his abilities _and_ his looks. She was not blind.

She didn't need her Sharingan to see that the teen had feelings for her, however juvenile those feelings might have been. She knew that Kakashi looked at her not with the lustful stares of most boys his age, but with wonder and contemplation behind his eyes and that he was never too near nor too far, always maintaining a certain distance that represented something he himself may have been too young to understand. And Mikoto knew that he trusted in his feelings, believed them to be sincere even though he wasn't entirely sure of what to do with them. She had broken more than one heart in her heyday and she wouldn't be able to call herself a respectable ex-jounin if she couldn't read even the most poker-faced male (_let alone a fledgling like him, new to the world of intensified hormones_)

Mikoto found _things_ deposited on her property periodically: a satchel of rare tea, a small vial of scented oil, even a handkerchief with embroidered edges that Kirigakure was famous for. Her favorite among all of the tokens of love was a dainty decorational hair comb she found laid in the grass, glittering from dew one Spring morning. It was small, silver, and at the peak of it rested a tiny crown - a reference to her name, _nobility_. She tucked it into her hair on days when she needed an extra boost of cheer. Itachi would glance up at it, curious. Fugaku never took notice.

She didn't understand exactly why she was the object of his puppy love, but she was flattered all the same (_a little entertained, even_) that she still had the power to catch eyes like she did back when she was young, taught kunoichi. That she could steal attention away from _currently _young, taught kunoichi. She was just a housewife and a mom now and the small thrill of being noticed fell somewhere between the gray colors of nostalgia and euphoria.

But when all was said and done, Kakashi was still _just a kid_ (_what does he know about love?_) and Mikoto couldn't take him seriously.

...

To Kakashi, Mikoto was raw perfection.

He couldn't imagine how Fugaku could treat her as if she were ordinary when Mikoto was _an astonishment_, a treasure for the ages. And he doesn't know why it is that she's such a prize, but she simply _is_. And he doesn't know why it is that he falls for her, but he does (_in spite of his pure intention of getting tips about managing his new eye_) And surprisingly there is never a period of awkwardness for him; the self-revelation that he loves her is accepted without panic, anguish, or giddiness and instead is met with a quiet surrender. It does not take a genius to do that much.

He finds himself wanting to give her things, and he does not understand this peculiar mood. He wants to give her things because she deserves _everything_, and as far as he's concerned, because of that everything is as good as hers. All he can comprehend about this is that it is cursedly illogical and, apparently, _compulsive_.

Kakashi isn't a fool, he knows that Mikoto is the wife of the Uchiha clan head and the mother to the clan heir. He suspects that maybe she doesn't feel this gravitation, this magnetism that keeps pulling him to her, but he fathoms that while she may not love him now, there's time for it later. There's time. She'll see him as a man eventually and leave her stagnant marriage. Between Now and Eventually, there's time.

_Never _never crosses his mind.

It's a few years before his crush wanes, the name Mikoto eventually simmering to a fondness held close to his heart. He gradually stops visiting her house, leaving her presents, thinking about her... (_but not entirely, and she pops into the forefront of his thoughts at the damndest times_) And much like the onset of his infatuation, he isn't sure why it fades. And much like the start of this adolescent crush, Kakashi takes it's end in stride without much clinging, grieving, or puzzlement. He lets it go like a windswept leaf disappearing into the sky.

He finds other women to preoccupy himself with, _single_ women with no children (_although it never feels quite the same as it did with her. Never as powerful, never as lasting_) and transitions into adult life as simply as stepping out of one room and into another.

Kakashi has the displeasure a few years later, at the hardened age of twenty three, of being one of the first shinobi sent out to _'investigate'_ the massacre crime scene. He has an inkling beforehand of the gore; has expectations of what awaits him on the premises, but when he arrives Kakashi is godsmacked by the absolute devastation of the scene and its raw brutality. It was just one step above being called _carnage_. He has known Itachi in passing and knew the prodigy to be precise, making quick, clean kills. These corpses bore long slashes and horrific blows to the head; these show signs of defense and resistance (_something Itachi never allowed his targets_) It is only the children, almost exclusively, that look to have been instantaneously killed.

His heart wrenches when he comes across the Uchiha matriarch.

Even death couldn't rob Mikoto of her elegance and allure, and she has fallen on the floorboards in such a way that it almost looks as if she curled up for a nap - long, black locks fanned out around her like a widow's veil (_obscuring the blood underneath from sight_) She has always had skin like the most luminescent pearls and now, with the cold blue tint of death, the way it clashes _and yet compliments_ the onyx shade of her hair could cause her to be mistaken for a goddess or some other entrancing otherworldly creature. And even though she has never been one for vanities such as makeup, the crimson on her lips (_her liquid life_) suits her.

And he remembers every minute he watched her, every gift he gave her, and every word he never spoke to her.

...

And he wonders if she ever, even in the smallest measure, returned the overpowering innocent love he had for her.

...

And then, like the twinkle of a lone star in the night sky, a fleck of silver nestled in her hair catches his eye and for a moment Kakashi is breathless.

_And when it's all said and done, he thinks he loves her still._

* * *

A / N : The first ever KakaMiko on FF! I call it: MiKashi. My shot at teen Kakashi in love, I think he'd go for older girls. Let me know your thoughts on the fic and MiKashi as a pairing, even if you think it's fail I wanna hear everyone's thoughts (since this'll probably only get like 5 hits ever xD ) And sorry for the italic and comma abuse!


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